The Midnight Rant

 Its 12:30 at night. I have work in the morning. I should be asleep. I should be off my phone. I shouldn't be doing this.

But a wall of emotion runs over me like a freight train. My face is covered in tears and my heart is racing. I cant sleep and I don't want to. I cant even move my fingers across the keyboard without mistyping, which pisses me off more.

In my head, a scene where I have no inhibitions or consequences play out. I push over my bookshelf, flip my bed, smash my phone. I scream in pain until my throat is raw. Just like I used to.

But this isn't a movie and I have neighbors. I should say fuck those neighbors. Fuck those people for not realizing that I am a person who has bad days, not a background character.

Fuck the people who made me this way. Who taught me to care about the opinions of others. Who taught me to be the bigger man and save my emotions for the right moment.

When is the right moment, huh? Answer me that you hypocrites. Tell me when is it finally my turn. When will be the moment when I can snap and people will give a shit. Tell me who I can call at midnight and vent my frustrations at. Tell me who would answer the phone if I called.

That's right. Now shut the fuck up and move. I know you don't give a shit. I know you don't care. You just want the responsible, happy me that I give everyone so that you have an anchor to rely on. So that when your life goes to shit, I will help you. You don't give a rats ass about me.