January 1st 2024

 It's a new year. I should be excited, thinking about the potential of the new year. Instead, I am lying in bed. I am alone.

But you have a girlfriend.

But I don't know how to react to her. She is one of  the nicest people I have ever met and all I can do is wait for her to pull the rug out from underneath me.

Why?

Because that's what people do. They are nice with the expectation that you will play by their rules. Rules they won't explain to you. Rules they punish you for breaking.

Stop. Most people haven't treated us that way. Most people we have met since moving out here have treated us the same as she has. Bought us food. Given us rides. Taken us to food banks. Or even just hung out at our apartment.

But why? What do they want from us?

Probably for us to relax. To stop waiting for the next attack. To take a risk and go after something we want. You know, we can do that now. We can stop being scared and take what we want now. No one can stop us now.